Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
