I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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