Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
is that a dick in a sweater?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
