Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every concussion has its silver lining
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
