will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
