too bad you live with your parents still
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
