The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
