just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
3 2 1 whiskey
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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