And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize