see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
