you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Congratulations! We have a period
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