Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
