also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
