Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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