i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
