so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
