remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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