I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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