just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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