Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
