If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
