i jhust puked up my retainher.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
