I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
