im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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