Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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