i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize