I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
