My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize