Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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