You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
