opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
