wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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