I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize