dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize