i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
