New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
