Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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