Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
