she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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