Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i think my cat just said my name.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
