There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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