remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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