Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I puked a lego.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
