i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
