you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Even my vagina gasped.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
