I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
