On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My hand turned me down
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
