i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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