he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
