Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize