dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
