So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
