Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
