At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need moral support for this bender
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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