Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
