Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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