I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fuck appropriateness.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
