So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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