Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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