i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize