could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
