i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
