Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
