I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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