Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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