hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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