i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
