I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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