And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
