I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
