i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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