im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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