During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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